If it fucks you, fuck it back - trust me I am!

Weekend went on like friday morning. My e-mail is still dead, I cannot pay my internet because the bill comes in my e-mail. I cannot renew my library books because I cannot remember the password for the server it uses and the new is sent to the mail box I cannot open. I bought train tickets home but site told me they cannot be printed out and it's sunday so most of the stations are closed and I cannot print them out... thank god this one close to my brother was open and I could get them out. I just love my life at the moment *see the ironic tone in this sentence* 

I got three exams next week and I should write to papers for the next monday... I'm not interested. Not the least. I just wonder what happened to that girl who was interested about everything, keen on trying new things and being funny. This eats her... I don't wanna loose her. My past has been too much alive to me lately, I'm stuck with it and it's killing that girl. How the heck do I realize that it doesn't matter, none of that hell doesn't matter at all.
   Sight. I'm ok. Just being a philosophic again, it kills me to see myself like this. Why on earth I have to survive everyday, why I cannot just enjoy it and live happily ever after?

Two days ago I told Ran that I'm going see a psych... that's one friend down and two of them are left. I'll need them to get out of bed and I think it's best if they learn the truth slowly. So when I crack, I can go and cry to them how idiot the psych is.... and maybe then tell them everything else too. It's no use to make this such an huge number because I deny that this affects on my life too much. It doesn't, I won't allow it to.

N.R Thanks, yes my life is a bit complicated... but I'll handle it somehow. It has always been that way and I like the challenge!

Justliketheriver thanks for your lovely comment, that made my first smile today.