Indeed stuck. Yesterday when I woke up I was still 165,0. But my Wednesday was so full of fighting with myself that it was a huge relief. That day I went to eat a normal lunch with fellow students and that wasn't in my plans, not at all. I just couldn't find a way to lie myself out, say I ate already before cuz we had a lecture 10-12 and I had come straight from work. We had another lecture from 2 pm to 6 pm so there was no way with getting out with this shit.
   Had a fish with ½ cup of rice and salad consisting of cucumber, carrots and lettuce + 1 slice of rye bread. And that was making me crazy, my head was spinning like amusement park and missed half of the lecture. I nearly broke down crying three times because of the panic that comes when you break the rules. I took a piece of paper and tried to write stories, I got a paper full in both sides... not helping. Wrote it all out trying to decide was this a catastrophe or not. Ice cream, chocolata, chips and CIA: NY, it's ruined already so it doesn't matter! London, I don't wanna be fat in there, I also wanna fit in my shorts, I don't want to binge... March 4th, that was the last time you promised yourself it's not worth it. The guilt.... I wanted to scream, run in the toilet and cry my eyes out.

All that because of one freaking fish.
I trained my abs, lifted up my legs, shaked them... I just couldn't stay still.

The lecture was over early. Sheng was about to go this one meeting and went to have a cup of coffee. Some fresh air and I was suddenly fine. Ordering only one coffee and not wanting any of those sweat things behind the glass. Little talking it out, lecture had been boring.
   After half an hour I went to buy some groceries and left with two bananas, kiwi, pear and one bag filled with rye sticks flavored with garlic (95 calories/ bag). And at home I had those sticks and one of the bananas with blueberries and vanilla yogurt. Didn't go to Dance bic - I knew if I did I'd feel safe to oeat what ever after that and that's not good either. Just to tell you this, my biggest motivation to win this situation was not my desire to be smaller in London. It was the promise I made myself for not binging and the fear of sliding back to that freaky cycle that kills any attempt to get better in any way. I knew all the time how bad that is to go through those thoughts because of one freaking meal. Seriously 600 calories and I'm flipping... that's not normal, healthy or good. But if it happens, there's no point in telling yourself that or being disappointed. When it happens it just something one must go through.

I'm proud of myself for doing that.
Yesterday was way easier day, had some chicken salad at day (250) and an apple after we went climbing with Yuki and Sheng. No pounding thoughts and easy to breathe. I love the feeling when you're up, your body is shaking and you have to fight to get the hold of the next peace and somehow manage to pull yourself up. Falling is not bad, you just keep on going after that or swing with the rope. Yuki is afraid of highs and she still goes all the way up, I so adore her for that. Not many people share that mentality... "if you're afraid you must put yourself right up there."
   And there's this one wall they can't get up. I still enjoy the situation because I've climbed it four times now. They rely on their hands way too much, no one can pull themselves up from a cliff like place where you hang your back down the floor. Or if you try to hang with your fingers instead of the whole palm. I've figured it out so quickly what to do. Just now I realized that you'll get up easier if you don't try those spider yoga things on the wall and try reach too far.

When I got home with my bike - yay half an hour of biking. I went to make a half an hour run - I hate running. But still it felt good and easy and I actually kept going most of the time, little walking here and there but mostly I ran. WOW, just checked that you burn approximately 600 calories in an hour when you climb in my weight. So cool, had no idea it was that much.
   Anyway before bed I had ½ banana, kiwi, 1 hole can peach with vanilla yogurt. So my whole day is around 500 calories. Surely burned that all... ^^ (40 min climbing -400, biking ~200, run ~300)

163.2 this morning. I guess I'm not gonna achieve my target one tomorrow like I set my time limit, but I will in no time.