Goodbye aunt lovelifemaniac and hello London

I said the psych that I don't want a new time. ^^
It feel so stupid to go there and FIRSTLY this time she was 10 minutes late, letting me wait outside of the door. I knocked three times before I heard her entering and still she didn't coming get me before I knocked and let myself in. SECONDLY I've been doing so well... kröhmn... well not interested talking with her about it. I know why I've been doing and acting like I do, and like I said to her, I like sorting out my own problems. That's not wrong as long as it's working and I'm not faking that I'll survive even if I feel like I don't. Then that's an another strory. THIRDLY she was causing me more stress than helping me... and her being like an obvious question mark half of the time and babbling like I'd be 3 years old didn't help the case.

She said I seem to be fine and doing well now, so if I ever needed her I could call. I knew that... and there's not much she can say anyway. That was the biggest relief I have had since I started with her. Now the thing I fear most is to tell Shou-nu that I stopped seeing her. She's gonna kill me and not hear a word I say... or analyze me wrong cuz I'm so terrified to tell her, and come into a conclusion that I'm still not ok and take it as it would be her responsibility to make me better.

I also figured that if I'm going to keep myself in this "halfly eating well" road, I need to watch out Yuki. She's good at hitting the point. Yesterday at movie theater our conversation about the subject was short and kinda scary.
"I told the aunt lovelifemaniac that I don't want a new time."
"Really? Did she say you don't need it... or can she even say 'no' if you say you don't want to?"
OUCH!!! RED LIGHT; RED LIGHT!!!
"Not really, she can't. It's my decision. But she kinda wondered - not that she would have said it straight - that what am I doing there cuz I'm doing too good."
"...hmpf... *smile and laughter* poor you, doing too good."
"Yea, tell me about it. And then there's this that even if I weren't she the bought psych that means that after these five free times I either pay myself to death for her or I contact yths and get another. I don't wanna get into that circle cuz I know I can't bear it, I'll break down."
Then I told her couple funny stories in the category "heard from the mouth of ED-specialist" I bet she got perfectly why I didn't want to get in there.

But then the great news!!!! WE BOOKED FLIGHTS TO LONDON!!!! meaning me and Yuki. This is so COOL, I can't wait!!!


Stillimagining: Thanx again girl. I know the BMI is lower and it's so damn unfair!! ^^ I'm from North Europe, so I guess we're even fatter and big bony than Europeans generally. I mean at least if the roots are from the eastern part of the country like mine... :/ blaming genetics :DDD


Oh! And I ate 
2x veggies ~50
a sausage with salad and smashed potato ~550
yogurt with blueberries ~100


and burned around 200 - 300 calories today, so 500 policy is still there. And I had a dream that I broke my "no candy rule".