I am such an IDIOT. I'm trying to tell this short and simple...
Wednesday night me and Yuki sat at bar, drinking. I had thrown my gut out about how the psych I went was not helping (she barely listened, jumped around after every small voice and couldn't understand half of the things I was saying). We sat the talking almost three hours and I got to know a lot of stuff that made me realize that there's someone who really can get it. She also said about a little thing that she knew she would have to tell Sheng and Meng too because it affects on them too.
That little thing got figured out by those two yesterday and I do think it's my fault. I had said that we needed to talk and apparently made my point badly because instead of harassing me and my business, they cling with stuff around Yuki and asked horribly a lot of questions, claimed me for teasing people and started guessing that what would it be that Yuki would need support with (she's like half god here, everyone says she's talented, exceptional and going to be such a big name - who would need help with that? Is what's going on in their head). I'm not saying that they are stupid, they aren't... but they just can't read people the way I do. I rarely listen what they say, I see what they do and how they do; analyse the meaning behind their words and combine it with the behavior.
It's gonna be a huge thing when people get to know it, and I have a bad feeling, but at the same time I admire Yuki for doing that. That's so damn great, it exactly what these people need to see what's eating up the business.
But still it wasn't something Sheng and Meng should have gotten out of ME. After all we talked about the other night and even before we talked anything she's the very last person I would wanna insult in anyway and that really wasn't my thing to tell - and to me it doesn't matter that technically I didn't say it. I still feel like I betrayed her - and that hurts. I'm so mad at myself that I couldn't cry yesterday night cuz that little negative voice in my head said that I deserve the feeling I had. The thought of cutting flashed also in my head in new light but not so powerful or seriously that I would have done it.
Today I'm going to eat with Yuki and I got to tell her that those two know and all I can do is to pray that she won't hate me.
Wednesday night me and Yuki sat at bar, drinking. I had thrown my gut out about how the psych I went was not helping (she barely listened, jumped around after every small voice and couldn't understand half of the things I was saying). We sat the talking almost three hours and I got to know a lot of stuff that made me realize that there's someone who really can get it. She also said about a little thing that she knew she would have to tell Sheng and Meng too because it affects on them too.
That little thing got figured out by those two yesterday and I do think it's my fault. I had said that we needed to talk and apparently made my point badly because instead of harassing me and my business, they cling with stuff around Yuki and asked horribly a lot of questions, claimed me for teasing people and started guessing that what would it be that Yuki would need support with (she's like half god here, everyone says she's talented, exceptional and going to be such a big name - who would need help with that? Is what's going on in their head). I'm not saying that they are stupid, they aren't... but they just can't read people the way I do. I rarely listen what they say, I see what they do and how they do; analyse the meaning behind their words and combine it with the behavior.It's gonna be a huge thing when people get to know it, and I have a bad feeling, but at the same time I admire Yuki for doing that. That's so damn great, it exactly what these people need to see what's eating up the business.
But still it wasn't something Sheng and Meng should have gotten out of ME. After all we talked about the other night and even before we talked anything she's the very last person I would wanna insult in anyway and that really wasn't my thing to tell - and to me it doesn't matter that technically I didn't say it. I still feel like I betrayed her - and that hurts. I'm so mad at myself that I couldn't cry yesterday night cuz that little negative voice in my head said that I deserve the feeling I had. The thought of cutting flashed also in my head in new light but not so powerful or seriously that I would have done it.
Today I'm going to eat with Yuki and I got to tell her that those two know and all I can do is to pray that she won't hate me.
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