My bluish green

I got the biggest compliment ever.
"You know that color really suits you. I couldn't imagine that bluish green would suit anyone but that amazing how it makes your eyes pop!"

Also watched myself from the mirror awfully long. I'm still in the biggest numbers of my life but I could swear I look thinner than two months ago... it's weird. I can really see my collarbones not as much as I like to but I do, I can see my abs quite well and so on. It's weird. I'm in this mixed twilight again. Saying that I'm ok and that it's ok but at the same time thinking how much better could it be.

And I know I'm hiding my fear, stress and feelings again. I'm trying to slide cuz I have no better way to cope with things. And I like my way as twisted as it is <3

I so shouldn't. I know I'm not. But I binged yesterday, slept too long, have ton things to do that I don't wanna do. I'm running with laxies today and I wanna binge again, eat more laxies tomorrow, stop this all in to the wall tomorrow and be happily reading Swedish with my friends after calling off the psych time, smile, laugh, and pretend that nothing happened. And I'm not scared anymore. I'm not scared of anything.

I just started reading Wintergrils and I feel this dark romantic want to be bones.
It's already 2pm and all I have had is coffee. All I want is some fruits... but I don't want to count numbers. I don't want to be manic, I don't want to want this, I don't want to give up on this.

I've been alone too much. I need to get out.