Some people are crazy. Crazy like me... crazy like you because I know anyone of you would do this too if you had the change. That's because it burns calories, keeps you away from food... and well, it burns those fucking calories. Today I could swear I saw the thinner me in the mirror just a second ago when I was taking the shower. I surely wish I'm right. Tomorrow is a weigh-in and I better not to be too fat.
Let's start from the last post and happenings I promised to clear up. So I was doing entrance exams for another uni (I've got some issues with the stuff I'm studying... have been for a while). They lasted two days and I had to sleep at my cousin's who has some issues with her meals... have always been. I copied her and got an ed (not her fault totally). But she cuts her food to pieces that are about half of her pinkie finger nail. She always puts her fork down after it has toughed her lips. She chews slowly. She doesn't sit down and jumps taking this and taking that. She comes always last to the table. She always leaves the table last... she eats her meal so long that I've had time to put three times as much food in my mouth. She's extremely picky. She makes always excuses to leave some parts of her food to her plate. She goes always to toilet within half an hour from meal time. She has difficulties to make decisions - especially if they are related to food. This time she wondered half an hour if she should have ½ slice of bread. She has these weird superstitions that if she doesn't get this certain something at certain time her head will start hurting. She goes crazy if someone thinks that they know more about food than she does.
Sound like your eating?
I know it does.
And she is just skin and bones and she's over 30. Honestly sometimes I'm jealous of her. But sometimes I'm just worried... at one point I was determined to starve myself to point out what she's doing. She still lives at her parents since she took their loans to pay right after she graduated. In that sense I do admire her but then again the consequences of seeing her depend always my mood and motivation and my state in general. Last two times I've had binge attack because I've wanted not to be like her. Now I don't want to be like her but I found different way to do this. I'm not hungry.
Yesterday the Eurovision studio we had was full of food. I had way too much things, a moment filled with panic in the toilet that was full of wc-ducks. Didn't purge since I can't but hyperventilated until I realized how stupid I was. 2 slices from broccoli, fetacheese pie, about 10 handfuls of chips, and 3 handfuls of marshmallows, 2 slices (2 inch x 2 inch) feta pizza don't kill me.... those 2 slices from white chocolate cheese cake is another thing though. Well it was heavenly good even the person baked it is a annoying housewife type bitch. But before that I had had nothing. So I think those aren't gonna kill me. I just decided to fix it by moving my weigh-in to Monday morning.
And today, yes I know you guys would be as crazy. I moved my last of my stuff today (well there's still little to go)... by walking. I had huge bag on my back and another on my side and the second time I walked to the ware house I had a huge plastic bag too on the other side. I also had those when I left to sleep at Shengs and furthermore I got a third bag that I could pull after me. So I walked with weighs about 5 km and without about 4 km. Time with packing and unpacking started around 1pm and stopped at 9 pm, so 8 hour workout and the only thing I had was big strawberry milkshake from McDonald's (440) cuz I felt like passing out. And I got some color, I'm getting brown ^^
Now that I'm settled in for today I had some veggies with onion soup (80) and some yogurt with chasew nuts and pineapple (300). Giving totals to 820... then -1380 from the walking and it looks like way better leaving the intake around - 500. So cool. It has been long since I've gotten negative intake. ^^
Happy.
Stillimagining: Thanks for the cheer. You did so much inspiring work that I got crazy as you can see ^^
Ruby: Oh! I thought I was the only one who watches that... or I wouldn't but my friends do have this habit to watch it. So I tagged along. Personally I'm not a huge fan. There's very little point with the whole show, it's cool that people sing but the stage act are so weird sometimes that I wonder who the hell has created that. :DDD
Let's start from the last post and happenings I promised to clear up. So I was doing entrance exams for another uni (I've got some issues with the stuff I'm studying... have been for a while). They lasted two days and I had to sleep at my cousin's who has some issues with her meals... have always been. I copied her and got an ed (not her fault totally). But she cuts her food to pieces that are about half of her pinkie finger nail. She always puts her fork down after it has toughed her lips. She chews slowly. She doesn't sit down and jumps taking this and taking that. She comes always last to the table. She always leaves the table last... she eats her meal so long that I've had time to put three times as much food in my mouth. She's extremely picky. She makes always excuses to leave some parts of her food to her plate. She goes always to toilet within half an hour from meal time. She has difficulties to make decisions - especially if they are related to food. This time she wondered half an hour if she should have ½ slice of bread. She has these weird superstitions that if she doesn't get this certain something at certain time her head will start hurting. She goes crazy if someone thinks that they know more about food than she does.
Sound like your eating?
I know it does.
And she is just skin and bones and she's over 30. Honestly sometimes I'm jealous of her. But sometimes I'm just worried... at one point I was determined to starve myself to point out what she's doing. She still lives at her parents since she took their loans to pay right after she graduated. In that sense I do admire her but then again the consequences of seeing her depend always my mood and motivation and my state in general. Last two times I've had binge attack because I've wanted not to be like her. Now I don't want to be like her but I found different way to do this. I'm not hungry.
Yesterday the Eurovision studio we had was full of food. I had way too much things, a moment filled with panic in the toilet that was full of wc-ducks. Didn't purge since I can't but hyperventilated until I realized how stupid I was. 2 slices from broccoli, fetacheese pie, about 10 handfuls of chips, and 3 handfuls of marshmallows, 2 slices (2 inch x 2 inch) feta pizza don't kill me.... those 2 slices from white chocolate cheese cake is another thing though. Well it was heavenly good even the person baked it is a annoying housewife type bitch. But before that I had had nothing. So I think those aren't gonna kill me. I just decided to fix it by moving my weigh-in to Monday morning.
And today, yes I know you guys would be as crazy. I moved my last of my stuff today (well there's still little to go)... by walking. I had huge bag on my back and another on my side and the second time I walked to the ware house I had a huge plastic bag too on the other side. I also had those when I left to sleep at Shengs and furthermore I got a third bag that I could pull after me. So I walked with weighs about 5 km and without about 4 km. Time with packing and unpacking started around 1pm and stopped at 9 pm, so 8 hour workout and the only thing I had was big strawberry milkshake from McDonald's (440) cuz I felt like passing out. And I got some color, I'm getting brown ^^
Now that I'm settled in for today I had some veggies with onion soup (80) and some yogurt with chasew nuts and pineapple (300). Giving totals to 820... then -1380 from the walking and it looks like way better leaving the intake around - 500. So cool. It has been long since I've gotten negative intake. ^^
Happy.
Stillimagining: Thanks for the cheer. You did so much inspiring work that I got crazy as you can see ^^
Ruby: Oh! I thought I was the only one who watches that... or I wouldn't but my friends do have this habit to watch it. So I tagged along. Personally I'm not a huge fan. There's very little point with the whole show, it's cool that people sing but the stage act are so weird sometimes that I wonder who the hell has created that. :DDD
3 kommenttia:
I agree the eurovision is so bad it's good and everyone just votes for their neighbouring country. The songs were seriously bad this year. Did you see the Russian grannies? So so funny, I wanted them to win.
It can't be easy watching your friend like that, she sounds like she has food issues for sure. Try not to let it affect you too much.
Much love x
Your cousin's eating sounds very much like my own. Wonderful intake sweetie.
XOXO
OMG just WOW!!! god girl u ARE amazing! thats crazy! Heck the longest I've ever walked is probably 4 hrs! And thats because I was shopping and its something I actually enjoy! but moving? wow....honestly ur cousin sounds like she has such a sad life. But then again...don't we all? those of us who let our EDs consume us...we think we're alright but if we looked at ourselves from an outward perspective it sounds quite scary...either case, ur doing amazing girl<3 much love!
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