Crying makes feel so good

Had a little break down yesterday when I watched the grave of fireflies (Hotaru no haka) as anime and right after that in live action. Honestly I don't cry while watching Titanic, but this makes me cry so hard. It tells about siblings in Japan during the world war II. They loose their mom during bombings and dad dies in navy, their aunt throws them out and they fall out of whole system. Stealing food and trying to survive with everything going on... only to end up dying.

But in the end after crying it out and spending two hours in horrible wind walking - literally I almost flew - It's all better. I've decided not to be so hard on myself and give some credit for what I've done in life and what I do during the day. This nothing is enough is one reason I've fallen so hard down.
   I'm not hopeless and it's time to believe that again.
   I don't need to rush with my studies like a headless chicken, more importantly I don't need to push 3 years studies in two and work at the same time.
I need to accept that I'm no wonder woman and that totally ok.
I also need to figure out what I want in life, I know that the field I'm studying can satisfy me but there's a big possibility that it doesn't, that I end up doing something that I really don't want to. And that I get afraid of responsibility because I'm too scared of failing... resulting: I don't need to please people. I need to please myself in order to get better.

For now that means more zumba and no sweets. Cutting that 15lbs down and getting back where I felt good, comfortable and had confidence. This is the greatest routine I've seen in a while (even the music quality isnt too good)... enjoy it. And remember core support, every move should start from tummy, that's how the flat tummy is created and more importantly moves done safely. We don't want many moth sick days for muscle cramps, pains or worse do we?

And here's better quality music to the video once you've learned it:

Stillimagining: Thanx again girl <3 But you know, you can reach that smile for real even with ed. I did, my last year was amazing in that sense but then some shit happened couldn't handle it and I've fallen back into self hate... trying to get outa here. It's so much nicer when you love yourself and can be happy over every pound you loose.