Things didn't go quite as I planned. When I got back to work there was a note from our boss how disappointed she is with us. Fine... except that we didn't understand what we had done and neither did many others who red that note. Now we had to send an e-mail to find out and I'm freaking out that she's gonna go mad and not understand why did we feel this way. I hate being in the middle of this, and the situation is not any better because 3/5 workers are terrified of her. Not me and another girl who has been there one summer longer than me. I hope we can work this out because the situation is bad if someone goes home crying, one hyperventilates in store room, one closes her emotions and focuses on doing something all the time to the point that she won't take a brake to go to toilet or to eat. Then we other two. We just get mad and want to get an explanation.
I was so consumed by this that I had no time to think anything else, I was worried about my co-workers and then I was worried about my boss. I get she's stressed but that's not the way let it out... and it's not making things any easier that she's a really nice person - for real. And then Cat's daughter fell of a rock and her leg broke, now she has a cast on her leg. Poor girl, it's really hard on her. Also our staff party got an unhappy event when a little prank turned open some unexpressed feeling for one of our guys - he was in tears, Cat talked with him like an hour and the next night I did and it wasn't that he was mad about the prank we did... it was just that the emotional roller coaster made some things to come out. So what my answer to all this was? To spend a night on the island... actually three nights. No time to think about what to eat or why. I just couldn't take the pressure that I was handed at that moment. There it was so easy to be in peace with things ans think what to do about them before taking any radical actions. That's what I'm good at and I don't want to ruin this relationship between me and my boss and I can't..... I have to get thinner! why? it doesn't make things any better. You'll just hurt people because you can and you have an excuse to do so. Stupid, but I want to be someone else. I don't want to face things at the moment because I feel that I pushed my co-workers into doing something they wouldn't have wanted... to send that e-mail.
FAT.
I love my toes, they're dirty.
Still fat.
Why am I questioning myself again? This sucks... and I guess they call it getting better. I'm afraid not.
I was so consumed by this that I had no time to think anything else, I was worried about my co-workers and then I was worried about my boss. I get she's stressed but that's not the way let it out... and it's not making things any easier that she's a really nice person - for real. And then Cat's daughter fell of a rock and her leg broke, now she has a cast on her leg. Poor girl, it's really hard on her. Also our staff party got an unhappy event when a little prank turned open some unexpressed feeling for one of our guys - he was in tears, Cat talked with him like an hour and the next night I did and it wasn't that he was mad about the prank we did... it was just that the emotional roller coaster made some things to come out. So what my answer to all this was? To spend a night on the island... actually three nights. No time to think about what to eat or why. I just couldn't take the pressure that I was handed at that moment. There it was so easy to be in peace with things ans think what to do about them before taking any radical actions. That's what I'm good at and I don't want to ruin this relationship between me and my boss and I can't..... I have to get thinner! why? it doesn't make things any better. You'll just hurt people because you can and you have an excuse to do so. Stupid, but I want to be someone else. I don't want to face things at the moment because I feel that I pushed my co-workers into doing something they wouldn't have wanted... to send that e-mail.
I love my toes, they're dirty.
Still fat.
Why am I questioning myself again? This sucks... and I guess they call it getting better. I'm afraid not.
Ei kommentteja:
Lähetä kommentti