Talk, feel and drink more coffee

Just realized that my manners are horrible again. I didn't say thank you to you my dears. I'm so sorry about that, and I mean it.

Past tense, yesterday seems like a fluffy dream that never really happened. It's like the morning mist outside that hugs the trees and makes their branches invisible. I love it, I like this kinda of wet mornings - and the coffee tastes vanilla with no reason. It's gonna be a better day, or I hope so.
   My body is aching, it needs some movement. And I just feel so sorry for it because I can't... my timetable is crushing me, I feel so small under the pressure and still I just wanna cry because I have this stupid fear that I can't make it in time. That I'll fail and lose everything. Then I ask what everything...

I was slow the whole day. Really slow, smiling like a stupid idiot that has had too much blond bubbles. I started laughing because a door knob looked like a duck, I ate like I had never seen food, my body was so confused that it didn't know what it wanted.
 
Saw Aya and we talked about the summer coming up. We're sharing the work and we were dreaming about it. I got a dream job there and I want there so bad even if I know I'll just barely manage with the salary. We were talking about a friend that got promoted - we feel that she wasn't the best choice. She's lovely and everyone adored her the last summer but eventually she didn't even do her job that well... and now she's our boss. She is really nice and there's not too much negative to say about her but still somehow she's so, I can't quite define that, but too calm, nice and friendly that it screams fake to me. Aya and me both see it the same way and felt so alone last summer because we couldn't say a thing about it to anyone.
   We know that we will hear about the fact that we're so tight together nowadays. I'm so happy that I can talk with her about this stuff since she had anorexia once. And we did talk about this shit yesterday... not much but without too much explaining and without too much wondering, it's good to have someone like that.

My cousin is leaving today - yay! I love her but I can't take it anymore. I need my space or I want someone I could talk with more freely. She thinks she's so important and vital to everyone... and she's just making herself miserable with those excuses and explaining why she can't leave even if she wants to.