Happy Birthday to you...

Yesterday was my birthday.
My cousin is making me crazy.
My boss is being a shithead.
And I lost it again.
And I'm frustrated because I can't do anything to fix it.

I haven't been on the scale for ages. I'm too fat to ruin my happiness for something like that... no, the mindless truth is that I'm so fucking disappointed to myself for playing these games and giving up, not following the plan that was supposed to get me in those jeans for London. Now my cousin is sleeping here and there's no way I'm able to do anything about it.
   And it's that cousin, the one I copied a lot and ended up in this shit - not her fault but it's sure easier when you have someone to follow with freakish eating. She's still like that. I'd call her orthorexic for the least... she can't eat much at the time (her portion size is a joke even for me) and she's paranoid over every thing she puts in her mouth. Plus she analyzing all the time what she has to eat to avoid headache, nausea, sleepiness etc. Like "man I'm going to have one with my friend and now I can't have white wine because I had this cocoa, if I do, I'll have a terrible headache..." and I'm rolling my eyes. I sure that she's making herself sick by thinking that. It's like the end of the world if she's not getting right kind of food... which means soft because her tooth are breaking easily - I mean like seriously? This is the excuse she has been using the past four years and she refuses to go to the dentist.
   I've heard that at home she leaves out with the cats during meal times and gets down to eat hours later... those little portions. You know the mama noodles, the small baggage, she usually eats half of it and says that she's so full. And there she's comparing herself to me all the time, saying that I don't eat right etc. Well hell I don't, but she doesn't know that. How could she, she lives 500 km away and I see her like one a year.

And to add, she's over 30 and just now I noticed that she has gray hairs! What the hell? What does this sounds to you?

Then about my boss, so I do have a summer job and I'm going to take it. It pays less but what the hell. Who cares, it's way more fun and at least my boss is not the same person it's now since I'm boiling. I mailed her 24.3 that I need last Friday and Monday free and that I'm quitting. I got an autoreply that she's away for the weekend. I was like ok, this is not so urgent that I'd need to call her substitute.
   I never got an answer.
   Then after Easter she calls me because of those two days I was away and she says that they're gonna bring me the keys. I'm like what the fuck, and I need to tell my boss that there's two sets of keys to the place I clean. They got the other ones. I also asked about those free days that if it's ok and she was like "what days? Well, I guess it is but usually this doesn't work like this kind of two day's ahead" I was like what the hell... I sent you the mail three weeks ago asking those!!! And then after the phone call I realized that the mail was the same where I said I'm going to stop this shit. So I send another... and asked about the two days I was away since I got no doctor's paper about them. No answer even at Monday when I checked while coming back from Stockholm. I was boiling on the Tuesday morning when I went back to work. Then I talked with the shop's ladies that they had asked on Monday where I was and that my instructor had told them that I was quitting. So they do know, but why in hell they can't answer me??
  I decided to be a shit head and send a message on Friday that everything I need to return is in the cleaning closet. Like get them, I'm not interested to bring them back to anyone, surely not my boss.

Stockholm visit was cool. I had to listen some stuff about Yuki's new boyfriend - don't get me wrong surely not to the point of getting annoyed. I love seeing her so happy and in love. I got a new friend that Yuki has known since last summer, it's freakish to go to see one people you barely know and one you have never met and to sleep over at their house. But that was cool... I might just leave to Sweden when I get back from Asia. Herd some stuff again about my study mates here that I didn't wanna know. Like sexual harassment and so on... I don't wanna stay in a place like this with nothing else than negative energy. I know Yuki is hating everything right now to make her leave easier but those things do change people... and it's terrifying to think that I should be living 24/7 with those kinda people if I'm at work.
   Bright future? Think not.
 
Sorry for this complaining about stuff, but I'm so stressed out that I need to get this out somewhere. I'm again at the point when something as simple as a gallup about our studies comes, I start crying because I can't handle the extra stress that thing puts on me. And it's simple, gets done in five minutes... how stupid it is to cry because of five minutes of work. And let's just say that feeling fat and having my cousin over here doesn't really help at all. I'll be ok.

Something good anyway. Sheng and I were thinking that I come to live at her house for summer to share her small apartment. She's gonna be away almost whole summer because of work and her house would be empty... I could get rid of mine earlier and save some money with the poor salary I'm going to have.