Splits and cookies

"Can I have ice cream? I mean I managed to do the split and all..."
"No you can't."
":("
"The best price you can give to yourself is to let your body recover with good nutrients and not dumb it with that sugarish crap. (and you already ate the two cookies before the classes)... leave it for tomorrow. That way it's a double win, you feel great today and tomorrow you can have ice cream!"
   I sight. Suna is graving sweet things again. Like almost every night she spends alone... and I'm still not any closer finding it what she's really struggling with. Except loneliness, that's a clear one. But she has learned how to lean on me which I enjoy greatly. We're constantly talking through out the day, sharing what do we do and what's going on. It's almost like living with her - and right now she fills up a huge part of my thoughts because I'm trying to figure out what's up. Here we go again, Tat has a hunch that there's something I can do for them to get them move forward. How come I always find my friends like that? I laugh at my self and go bit by bit, she'll open up eventually.
"Can I have a candy day tomorrow?"
"Yap. You can." 
And I can see her smiling and getting happier which shouldn't be possible after making a split that she had no idea she was capable of. I'm proud of her.

****

Aya sits again right behind me. For the first time I'm having the phase where this apartment feels small. Like I'm stuck. Like I can't do a thing because there's no room. And there's a bunch of things I need to do. No instead I take my pencil, trade it to a coloring pens hours later and suddenly it's midnight and my Sunday has disappeared. It's 1.30 pm when I take a break to go to buy something to eat. It's around 4 pm when I actually eat the Karela pasties, and it's 6 pm when I make pizza for dinner and to take with me today to the woods. I hate the day already. I just simply don't like the practical side of this field; archaeology is off for me. We're going to measure something to the woods and all I'm thinking is that I got better things to do. I want to make up an excuse not to go but I guess the only reason is to go to doctor and get the proof that you're sick. So not happening. I need to go, stay there and push the button for at least 8 hours. So yesterday I was drawing to ease the mental stress. I didn't want to think about this Monday at all because it's the fucking queen of all Mondays. Suna said I should draw a sugar fairy that is pink/lime green, so this is what she got. And I really, really want to stay in drawing today too, not go anywhere. It's 4 C out side, cloudy... just simply no reason to do stand in the woods for the day when you're already catching cold and freezing.

***

Tempted. That's what I am right now... I've skipped couple of meals last week. I haven't been that  active as I should have been. Guilt. Today in the mirror I see someone who has a zillion pounds to lose and I try to think functionally; I'm going to the woods to bur calories. I'm going to burn calories. Last week I didn't track my food at all... I couldn't, I was scared that I put something with zillion calories in me. That the simple banana is actually way more that 100ish. 
   "TAT!" Suna writes when I say half joking that I'm so hungry that I don't want to eat at all if my pasties aren't going to be ready like now. And even before she knew she was watching what I eat, she freaks if I'm not having a proper warm meal once a day. Now that she knows (or at least now that the thing is so new to her) she seems to be watching even more. It's not like she's asking, she just tells me what she eats and expects me to answer the same way. That's because we talk so much and live on the moment with each other. It's only natural to say what you have in front of you. 

But tempted. I want to be thin. now, right now. Someone please peal me like a banana? Why can't it work like that, why, why, why, whyyyyyy? Well... I guess I just have to eat to be able to sweat it off.