I've finally getting my routines rolling. Two days in a row I've been exercising well and my whole body is sore again. Also 1.6lbs down already. But it's a good way to stay out of drama... which is mostly going on inside my head. But Maya is making me so anxious, I feel like suffocating because it's like I cannot do anything by myself. And since I'm going to move to same city where she lives when I go back to Finland, she asked me to roomie with her. I was screaming inside.
But even today... I should go down town with her and GAH, don't want to. Last weekend we were in a zoo and it really killed me... we're so different that it's really hard sometimes. She didn't get excited over the same things as I did. We almost never do. And after being there for four hours she was tired of walking (well, she's over weight quite a lot) and stayed sitting when I went to take pics from the birds. Like first you go together but then you just walk totally different paths? That's like going with my family and I used to hate that.
I miss Nana, Yuki, Cat and Aya really much. Luckily Ran and Bei are coming to visit me in few weeks but really... even I'm having hard time to admit this, I feel quite lonely. And here's a girl that got my attention - for real. And you know how I am, spotting things that are mysterious and having huge urge to solve them. Like this girl Zhu. Basically others are bored with her, she said couple of times that she will not go with them and once she came, she really sat on the side barely laughing. She's really insecure, if she doesn't know something exactly, she won't say it. She's relying on patterns and structures and feel uncomfortable around too many people. Like today she was supposed to come to down town with me and I was really looking forward to that, but when Maya asked if she could join, she of course said yes but a moment later she texted me that she's not coming. I bet it's Maya... not too long ago these two didn't talk to each other at all, and Maya isn't the most grown up in the sense of life experience. So she was with others saying behind Zhu's back that they wouldn't ask her anywhere anymore if she didn't open her mouth and ask (hard to open and ask if you don't know that they're going and just hearing afterwards... it sucks).
I refused to do this. Dropped out from the pack and walked at dorm few times with her and I'm really like the only only person she talks to at the moment. Like really talks to. And I feel that she wants to be with me more than this ten minutes we sometime walk together but Maya is making it all so fucking hard by hanging on me all the time. So I bet this time too, it was Maya who ruined it... and I do feel like stuck.
But I just have to ask and try again, again and again. I won't give up on her this easy.
And some Asia exclusives :DD (only to make me feel more fat)
But even today... I should go down town with her and GAH, don't want to. Last weekend we were in a zoo and it really killed me... we're so different that it's really hard sometimes. She didn't get excited over the same things as I did. We almost never do. And after being there for four hours she was tired of walking (well, she's over weight quite a lot) and stayed sitting when I went to take pics from the birds. Like first you go together but then you just walk totally different paths? That's like going with my family and I used to hate that.
I miss Nana, Yuki, Cat and Aya really much. Luckily Ran and Bei are coming to visit me in few weeks but really... even I'm having hard time to admit this, I feel quite lonely. And here's a girl that got my attention - for real. And you know how I am, spotting things that are mysterious and having huge urge to solve them. Like this girl Zhu. Basically others are bored with her, she said couple of times that she will not go with them and once she came, she really sat on the side barely laughing. She's really insecure, if she doesn't know something exactly, she won't say it. She's relying on patterns and structures and feel uncomfortable around too many people. Like today she was supposed to come to down town with me and I was really looking forward to that, but when Maya asked if she could join, she of course said yes but a moment later she texted me that she's not coming. I bet it's Maya... not too long ago these two didn't talk to each other at all, and Maya isn't the most grown up in the sense of life experience. So she was with others saying behind Zhu's back that they wouldn't ask her anywhere anymore if she didn't open her mouth and ask (hard to open and ask if you don't know that they're going and just hearing afterwards... it sucks).
I refused to do this. Dropped out from the pack and walked at dorm few times with her and I'm really like the only only person she talks to at the moment. Like really talks to. And I feel that she wants to be with me more than this ten minutes we sometime walk together but Maya is making it all so fucking hard by hanging on me all the time. So I bet this time too, it was Maya who ruined it... and I do feel like stuck.
But I just have to ask and try again, again and again. I won't give up on her this easy.
2 kommenttia:
Congrats on the loss hun! 1.6lbs in 2 days! ur doing great! hmm maybe u cud just find a way to avoid maya? like tell her u have to room with someone else because of some sort of obligation or something, like just make something up. and ur such a sweet friend to Zhu! just find ways to spend more time wit her w/o maya finding out. like try to distance urself more and eventually she'll find some1 else to cling to. and ohmygosh i know how Asians are so freaking skinny! most asians are actually all underweight in terms of bmi. its just the bone structure and height etc. so srsly, dont compare urself to them. hope things work out<3
down 1.6?! babe, that's beautiful, ;).
tell her no fucking way. xD.
yessss! i know that. ugh. it's horrendous and i understand. my family is the same as well xP.
Zhu sounds interesting to be honest.
totally agreeing with stillimagining. most Asians ARE underweight in terms of BMI and their bone structure is wow and i have Asian people working in my building at college and fffffff
-Sam Lupin
Lähetä kommentti