Belonging issue

-2lb in a week. Sure it's something but I feel so disappointed to myself... actually not because it's so little, but mainly because I didn't work harder to see a bigger drop.
Excuses. Too hot and humid, sure I nearly puked when I was doing my workout.
There's no quiet place in here, true... but what does it matter, pressure to do things more perfectly.
I did well yesterday - how stupid is this?

I'm at the point when I got too much pressure everywhere. I should learn Chinese, the teachers are really pushing us to the limit. I mean my tongue is hurting. And it was supposed to be the strongest muscle in the body.
   I feel guilty because I don't dare to go post office and try to send mails to Finland. I also feel stupid because of that. But I also feel guilty if I do nothing... or if I do something "more important" I find it really hard to make up things at the moment. It's like everyone REALLY gets to me and makes me feel that their thing is important and then I cannot make up enough time to do everything and I feel horrible for negletting my own wishes because I know, I'll be in here only for few months and I shouldn't take pressure for learning this language. I mean I will learn it and I want to learn it but not in expense of the experience.
   I also got my own goals and I feel I'm not getting them fast enough.

Not enough. The feeling... I should leave to downtown but then again I cannot make a decision where to go. And I feel horrible for not being around people and going on just on my own...

Well let's skip this ramble and let's not let it continue any further. Yesterday me and Maya got an idea to walk to the city Tower. I have to say that I enjoyed it... we walked 4 hours and she was so dead, like really dead ^^. My enjoyment came because I saw how tired she was and how little the hole thing affected me. Made me feel for a change that I was fit, but sure she has a few more pounds to carry around.
   And the day before I went to eat with Je... fucking KFC and fries because of him (see why I feel that I didn't work hard enough?)... I needed help with my homework. Still suck at it. It's a tongue twister and I just can't make it right. But anyway it was cool to be there with someone that doesn't speak Finnish. This is one of the things that is making things so fucking annoying in here, because I speak too much Finnish and then I'm in China and it kinda collides. U know? It makes it harder to belong. Sure it's fun from time to time but in a way it's really annoying too.
   Then I met this Chinese born who has grown up in LA and I talked with him like 3 hours one day. He's around 40's but anyway we had good conversation... even if he had his crossing opinions. But he has a problem pf belonging too. So I know why he thinks as he thinks, I can understand even though I cannot relate too much.

I should go and find a Museum. Gee... I hate that the trip to downtown cuts like an hour of your time. And it's like there's too much to see and you cannot STAY anywhere too long and still you got nowhere to go.