Wrappers in my hands...

My week has been emotional one this time. First everything goes shit, then everyone break up in tiny bits at the same time and I'm so full of feelings that I don't know where to put them. First Yuki, the Suna and now I guess it's me. Wrappers are falling from my hands, but this time I'm not crying because of the pain that "why did I open them?", I'm not crying at all. I want just to wrap my hands around them and toss that garbage away from the way.

"Hey, hey... Yuki, where are you?" I say on the phone with overly calm voice.

"...at..." snif, snif, "...the New House..." snif snif.

"Wait there. I'll come there."

"No, you don't..."

"Yuki, I'm coming there. Stay put!" and my voice won't leave her any choices, I'm not listening her crying on the phone when I can get there in five minutes. Aya glances at me when I leave, it's past midnight already, " you're one hell of a friend, just like... I mean that voice 'you stay there'". She smiles. We were talking just moment ago about the crazy hostel keeper she lived with and I'm so glad she made it out alive. I smile back. I write Suna that she should go to bed because I got phone call like that. I can see her smile too,

Few minutes later I see her. Arms crossed, head down walking towards me like a little sad package dressed in a black superhero costume - this superhero is really sad one today. I just wrap my arms around her and let her cry.

  "I'm so sorry to call... snif... you... snif, snif... this late..."

  " Stop that, I don\t care if it were end of all the times. I'm just glad you called because I wouldn't want you to cry alone in here the dark middle of the night."

***

"He drank too much and did some really stupid things..." Yuki's voice is almost shattered, she didn't need this on top of the feelings she already went through on Friday when she called me. I shouldn't have left her, I so shouldn't have...

"But maybe he realizes now what I've been saying to him all along..." careful little hopes are raised up. Inside I'm scared, this can go either way and I wish it turns out something positive and makes them grow up stronger. I just hate to her hurting, if you insult her, you insult me too.

***

"When is the last time you ate?" Suna asks when I tell her that I'm sitting, staring at the leafs and thinking about Yuki. She knows already that I take it on food... she has learned that, and she'll learn it bit by bit even better why and how.

  "Around 1 pm and then I had candy and nuts in between..."

  "Isn't time for dinner or night snack?" And she tells me also how good I did while shopping when despite of staring everything possible and thinking how I could go to binge outside, I didn't take anything like that with me.

  "I feel like I've been just crying to you lately..."

  "Hey, don't worry... you get my worries too. Now I wonder should I buy one jacket from the sale?"

  "Jacket...? Sorry darling but your problems are so simple and straight forward that I can't even think of them as such... it's always either or and no problem is that simple. So I always wonder what's really worrying you and what is it what you really want to say..."

"..." silence. She writes, erases, writes, erases... then she says "I don't know what to say right now..."

  "Is you head running on empty?"

  (writes, erases, writes, erases)

  "Not really, you just get me thinking..."

  *hitting my head on the wall*

  "Well, I got two options which  I can combine... I can ask what's the matter? Or what are you thinking? And I ask them both so you can answer what ever you feel like answering..."

  (writes, erases, writes, erases... again, again, again)

  "Some one is thingking too much again..."

  "Yea, it's just... I feel like I'm waiting for that "when..." when this and that, when everything will be just perfect."

I'm smiling finally. Finally she said herself.

  "But you got enough to worry about with your friend's problems..."

  "Hey...you have no idea how much I've been thinking about you lately. The best way to get my attention is to say 'go worry about them, I'm fine'. I'm going to give you a huge hug when we see on Friday, so don't cry there alone OK? <3 font="">

  "This isn't really how I planned my night to go..."

***

"Do I need to be scared of the Friday? I got that kind of feeling yesterday?"

"No, sweetie. If you're not suddenly afraid of that hug, you don't need to be scared of anything. I'm not going to eat you."

"...should to bed soon, it's almost midnight again..."

"Not sleepy, it's so crazy that I can't get my ass up. I'm sleeping bad and eating is crashing onto some tree with green needles because I'm not moving enough!"

"What have you eaten today?"

"I guess you don't want to know..."

*crying panda stamp*

"Well add this porridge to that mini-muffin, two karelia pasties and a banana." (all together maybe 800 calories which I didn't tell her because she can't count them that well.)

"I'm going to deny that coffee soon!"

"Go ahead but it's innocent you know.... "

"But you get energy from it, don't you?"

"Maybe from the milk I put in it. I would need two pots of it so that the caffeine would have something to do with it..."

And then we somehow drifted to that part where I told her how I used to abuse caffeine pills, laxies and all other pills I could think of to numb my feelings. That my parents turned blind eye on everything and they still don't know and just a little glimpse what went down with me, She was crying... so I stopped. No one should cry because of what I've been through. It was again one hell of a fb conversation about things you shouldn't say like that... and now I'm also scared of Friday. We have a lot of things we need to talk through... and shit it's already tomorrow and tomorrow I have also a speech for one course and exam after that. Concentration is zero. It's going to be a rough day.