When the pedals have gone

New flowers, I'm always searching for new flowers. There's this girl in my class Wendy, she's really nice and it just actually occurred to us that we are originally from the same area which is weird. You never get boring to realize how small the world is. But... we had a bar tour, we planned to throw a prank to others that we had gotten engaged today but in the end we didn't. But that joke kinda lived through the night and it would be so nice to say that we ended up kissing secretly behind the closed door of ladies room or something and that the chemistry would have been electric somehow... no, no, no. Unfortunately. But what we did was that after the third bar we just kinda ran away giggling together and went to another one just the two of us. Little while later Yuki sent me a message that why did I leave without saying goodbye. I answered that I was tired and left home... she didn't need to know. She had enough to deal with, she didn't need to deal with that that she had gotten second place tonight in my priorities. Her answer confirmed that "that's what they all say", really? Really? I just wanted to yell at her... that's not fair after I run to comfort her in the night and after I listen to her worries every time we see and because she goes first I tell mine in such a manner that I won't make her feel worse. Or then she was joking but forgot the smiley faces. Anyway I just took a deep breath and thought that she has been drinking that few, I know how she gets. But because she actually trust me, she dares to do that to me and there's so much on coming and misplaced anger going on with her right now that she doesn't know where to take it so she tried to provoke me (and it was probably me because of Wendy also, she was the center of my attention that night so she got little jealous. I noticed that). I didn't answer. I just thought that be angry to the right person and stayed quiet.

My conversations with Suna also go on and on... little by little I get more those wrappers and I always hear a new one underneath the one I'm working on. Everything so far goes through with the formula where I say something, talk way too much about my life, problems and just the hardness of the day until she gets it out. You know, the art of asking through explaining and not using straight questions because if I did, she would lock herself in giving me the answer she gives to everyone.
   "Just know that once you figure out a way to put it in words somehow and need someone to talk to, I'm here any time of the day or night. Don't punch your head to the wall by yourself, it's more productive when you got someone there doing it with you even though that someone can't fight you battles, that someone can lift you up when you fall." I say and I can see her smile. Sometimes I just think that my visualization ability is way too powerful to be normal. I doesn't only apply to the situations when I can see someone important to me smiling. It also applies when they're trying to hide their true feelings. I just draw a picture about a girl in the cloud woods getting lost and that's how I see Suna's situation right now. I also did a card thinking of her and there's a cage bird behind silver bars. 

   

  It's not only me helping her. I'm now really recognizing my need for comfort, I miss her. I mean that sure it was obvious for me before that I need someone close to me, but I couldn't say it really or feel how did it felt. No one has ever taken so much care of me before, no one has dared to really go there. They have been just circling around and been scared at some level. Sure I've had barriers maybe a little bit more too but I don't think that's it... and I'm not implying that they would care or hunt my killer until the end of the world but they just won't show it like she does and they don't really get what they should do. The respect over me is too big and protecting my personal space by their behalf is too big, I'm also not too keen to break it on their side so there's no way they would dare to pull me in like Suna did. She really melted my heart from somewhere by taking the chance to care, not just allowing me to get close. 

Ooops, I got to run... lecture. But as you can see, my head is rater messy that logical at the moment.