Fighting apathia

Don't you just love the feeling when you find muscles you didn't even know you had? There's this place called Flow Park; big pine trees where they have put together all kind of courses from 2 to 10 meters up. There's wire after wire; car tires up in the air, blank bridges, rolling blocks... anything you can ever imagine. Me and my friend Hope were hanging up there for three hours with the result of bruises and pain. But it was soooo much fun!!

As I said I was a little bit nervous because we really haven't been together outside of the zumba classes with Hope. But then I just thought that if we can stand two hours talking after the class with no problem we're going to be just fine. I was right, it was so therapeutic for both of us, specially her. Hope was talking a lot about things that bother her and I was kinda patting my way for the next time where I can tell her the whole story I have behind me... and I actually think it's important for her to know for the sake of her goddaughter whose mom she was telling me a lot about. Many of those things she said scream the lack of control in eating and mom really not knowing what her daughters put in their mouth and not  even letting them be children. Like Hope said, it's little disturbing that a seven year old eats twice as much you do. And to me that mom can't go cloth shopping with her first grader because she doesn't like the clothes she picks. But even so I'm for those two because they have someone like Hope outside of the family, they have people they can go to even when they feel like their mom is not the person to talk to.
 

 I felt alive the time we were together, even if we weren't hanging on the trees. But the real surprise came when she was leaving... I walked her down to the parking lot and standing there, she asked when I'm coming next time to visit. I said I don't know for a longer period of time but that I would come to do short peaks, at least to visit. That I wasn't too interested staying a night which I'm not. After the hug she started the look on her eyes showed many things; pain of leaving, love, care, worry, longing... like I was important to her. I had no idea I meant so much. I mean girl, you don't even know me yet and you're already showing me emotions like that?

Now I'm trying to wrap my head around this place I am. Boredom. It's so fucking boring to have a job like mine. On the ferry coming here, there's a cafeteria lady downstairs to who I got closer connection to... I always stay down with her talking about stuff and just last time I told her about the funny things here, the "face" work. You know when you just need to look like you're doing something... gosh! With academics you just can't have that perfect swing going on everyday and then there's no point for hunting the hours. I'm not the least motivated to keep my working moral up, you know that when you don't have enough to do, you'll end up doing nothing and the little things become rather bother than a work you'd do. It becomes something to break the apathy I'm currently trying to fight against.
   Just stay focused Tat, stay focused... next weekend it's thank god going to be my "foodpaid job" again in the dearest island of all.

YESTERDAY'S FOOD + Exercise

Luch at the institute + 700 cals

4pm a banana & ½ cup salted nuts + 300

Outdoor games + 60 minutes lifting - 300-400

9.30 pm Oat meal, cottage cheese and peach slices + 350

TOTAL: around +1000

... and that funny little downfall. Bei tried to get her visa without offcial papers. Are you fucking kidding me? I told her milion times it's not possible but she just wouldn't believe me. Then she was even stupider and asked if she could go with tourist visa... of course they told her no. Now she's planning to wait for the letter and change her flights later - for god's sake, go already! She could have applied it in Hong Kong where she's going anyway, or get the tourist visa and go somewhere to change it with the letter from school! It's not rocket science for real! I'm getting frustrated because now I need to stay with her in the same apartment for two weeks! Not going to happen... I'm going somewhere else after I help her move out.

Thanks Sam ❤ ❤ , you are such a lovely woman always cheering me up. ❤