Bad ideas, Runover

Ok, this is it. The day that I never wanted. I'm crying and writing my study for archaeology because on idiot is bullying me. Unfortunate for me, he's the head of the seminar and now I get all the shit on me because he doesn't like me. Very merry academic... hell... I'm sorry I like marinetime archaeology and I don't want to do a study of Iron Age. Shit. I leave that to him, I don't want to be anywhere near this person after this unless I have the upper hand. He has no real reason to say that I can't do the study the way I planned, he claims I got no problem I'm about to study (fuck it, I don't know how he managed to miss THREE sentences with question marks), he says that the info and material I was planning to get from the divers are not trustable and before he was unsatisfied because I wanted to do a archive study but I didn't have any primary sources and now they're not good enough even though they're the only ones I got. Then he says that my subject to study the ship wrecks in the Baltic and based on them to form a picture of human groups who traveled on the Baltic and specially focus on sick people and how sicknesses spread with the ships... no, too ambitious. Like seriously? If I have the means and ways and contacts for the right people to do so, why shouldn't I? Because I could succeed. That's the only reason I can think of.
   Then ques what he did after looking like he would laugh my ideas right through the window. History, history, history... he said and put the black dot on board saying that we're not leaving until I have a appropriate question to write my thesis on. Silence. I feel people looking at their note books trying not to be there because they got exited about my ideas before. That's how I got this subject; to study the wreck register... which originally was my idea from the summer. You need a quick and easy subject he said. And two days after that I'm starting over for the fourth time with this, crying when I write my plan because this is not me anymore. This is not my study anymore. Someone just stole it from me along with my motivation.

So I turned for candy, and Suna was on the mood to treat me... not very good food wise the rest of the
week but I'll do better next week. Didn't even jump on the scale but last week it was -4kg from the new year. That's quite a drop on normal bases. For Suna the only way she thinks she can help me is to bake, so I forgive her for cookies and hamburgers (self made too). It's just hard to feel the love sometimes and take it in... anyway still love her for making me heart shaped banana pancakes for breakfast along with berry smoothie. Honestly that's one of the most loving things anyone has ever done to me time after time, I feel like I have to thank her somehow but don't know how. But it's time to take the nutrients from something else than candy again. I have a free week from lectures so my holy plan is to write of course. I have still two BS thesis to do... now that I'm not so mad about it anymore and I made my base on mum's I think I'll do good with work. But eating enough is the thing I'm worried about. This is the place. Even though I'm not here too often anymore, it's still bad idea to be here whole week. I know it is. But I have to get these done.

Thank you for all the support darlings. I just met my English teacher from high school and I got amazing kicks from her. "You'll rock it, just don't give up!" she said. When it comes from someone who knows you from your past it's always more electric than anything. Now I'm thinking how to get my thanks to her because she just made all the difference.