Personality analysis and cultural note

INFJ and INFP. The first one I got while I was in Thailand and the second one just now when I did the test again. Basically this test says that I never lose my sense of wonder, I do think a lot about greater good when I live my life and interact with people and I find a meaning for everything. And that I'm absent minded because I focus on perceiving hints all around me seeing what's really going on with people. And while I combine that with the one I got from Thailand I'm a person doing things for cause... " They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ." I'm careful who I call a friend. Accroding to this I also got a natural ability to see hidden unconscious processes...

I have to say I recognize myself from there. No matter what the subject is, I'm always going straight through to the root of the problem - or trying to figure it out if I can't see it. I can totally turn blind eye for the first range of my own emotions and if I feel insulted, I never get mad, I say to myself that these people love me; they have a life to live and sometimes you just get the second place; enjoy the time you have, don't waste it by arguing about worthless things and don't blame your own inability to handle losing attention on someone else.
   It listed my career choices down to the circle I've been going around already; archaeology (done, soon) psychology or humanities and writing or literature. I just told a secret to Eve and now I'm going to share it with you too. Next autumn I'm hopefully going to be training to become massager and personal trainer if I can get enough money to get through the school. After that I will apply for psychology somewhere in this globe; I'm not staying in Finland. I need to get away... because even this test shows that I do change, I'm not imagining it. There's too much hidden aggression in here which makes me go crazy... it's like walls are falling right on me and I feel that I can't handle myself or anyone else. Shown in terms of food, yesterday I made it roughly to 1000 calories.

(If anyone is interested the test is in here)

Really the more I try to prove myself and say I can't be a psychologist, I can't be a personal trainer because I'll probably go crazy with my own issues... the more I notice how wrong I am, well here we are. I'm doing the horror of every specialist by staying in the blogger community while being better and saying "fuck you" to all of the influences they would fear me consuming here (it's not like one could ever live in a world without any kind of triggers, so my goal here is to solve my problems so well that I can co-live with them.). I'm also creating games and making people move - they call me crazy and Finnish Jillian Michaels. I've been totally wrong about myself. How cool is that? The feeling is just so empowering when you suddenly realize that you're figuring it out for now, for a moment and that everything will fall into place.

It's Friday... I'll see Suna again. Smiling to that. I had a talk with her yesterday and said that I haven't been eating because I don't want to.
"that will doesn't sound nice..." she said she would decide what we eat on this weekend. Fine with me, takes one stress factor away from my shoulders. "...and now you had only porridge??" she asked. Only and only. Considering the option of frozen veggies versus semolina porridge done in milk, I explained that I don't consider only calories but also what are those calories made of. In terms of protein and fiber this was better option - and higher in calories. If I had gone with "more proper option" like veggies I would have made it barely to 800 which is not enough after one dance class and nearly two hours of walking. So the reason I'm not extremely worried about my eating now is that I can negotiate a higher calorie option with myself and I'm not panicking about it. It's still on the safe side in the mental field even though it's not enough. I promised her I would explain it better today what kind of situation is the one that makes me worried and what it means to truly be in trouble with food because right now she seems to have no idea. She thinks that we just don't eat and she can't have the hang on the emotional side effects and the illusions our head puts us through.
   She admits that she's stuck, they had some kind of color test at work and she defines herself with blue who keeps her own thoughts to herself (except that she has hidden them from herself too) and she feel that her feelings prohibit her from functioning rationally which she experiences as the right way of doing things. Rationality, too much of that is poison... and she's not functioning rationally at the moment in any way because she can't handle her feelings. It bothers her that she's not functioning rationally and she blames her feelings she can't handle for that and that's why she sees them as something that prohibits the rational function when the best case scenario should be that the feelings should empower the rational action. So she's trying to deny the existence of her feelings hiding under the surface and that takes a lot of power... the power she would need to get on with her life. The blue said also that she's selective to who she talks to but currently she's not even talking to me, she's trying but she doesn't know how to put it into words and she's trying to avoid it. You need to be sick and tired to be sick and tired - I don't know if she is yet. I don't want to push her against the wall but I guess I have to if something is not happening soon.

... And now I have to make some notes because I'm sitting in a lecture and here's some really interesting cultural notes. In Finnish tradition it was traditionally a bad thing to say something positive about a kid or a cow because this "you have a good cow" has been experienced as a jealousy over your cow and this jealousy will spoil the cow. That's why the normal answer would haw been "fuck your words". Also the traditional belief was that everything has to do with magic and you compete with your neighbor about the limited resources. Surely they use magic and all kind of stealing methods to get the most and more importantly more than you... so if your cow gets sick, it's not enough to cure the cow. You need to take revenge on your neighbor. Way to go cold Scandinavians... xD