It was Thai new year and I was in bed... ok, near here is really nowhere to go and I didn't feel like getting in motorbike accident because someone throws water and ice cubes on my face. Throwing water brings good luck, so this was like a nation wide water war. Fun but I just avoided it. Nam is here too, I don't know if anyone else is around but I just haven't been feeling like contacting her at all. I mean she lives ten meters away from me so she could have come to knock if she wanted - but no. Instead last Monday, I don't know if this is what really got me down like this, she and few others went to a bar with surfing machine. I told Nam before that here is such kind of thing, I told her that I want to go and we were supposed to together - I also told that ladies can surf free on Fridays. And now they went without me, and are telling that we should go on Friday because it's free. And I only didn't tell them that, I posted it on our fb group but like usual, when I post something people won't reply. That's the only thing which makes me sometimes feel like an outsider but they're all nice to me, they talk to me and come sit next to me, and it's not like I couldn't ask them in person to do something with me if I didn't want, so if they're not with me like that in some alternative reality that's not really reason to get upset.
Like O.o. I bet this has something to do with the "strong I go - message" conversation. Nam was so out there with it and tries to make me now feeling like I'm not part of the group by doing everything without me. She has tangled around Ina and is all the time... and it's like when I try to do something with her Nam gets always invited with us. That fucking sucks because it seems that I cannot get a break from her... and like these past few days show as I'm here feeling like in prison, she just sends me one message on fb asking if I'm coming to Bangla for a party like we agreed (I didn't - I have no inspiration go to drink there, splash water when I'm at the state of mind where throwing myself into something like that is impossible) and after that nothing. Well don't worry because I have my plans... in other words nothing to do. And I have birthday in two days - no one knows. But I think I should figure out something fun to do... maybe sent message to zumba people here and go with them to do something amazing and leave these bitches whining here. Actually I should start to spent more time with my roomies anyway, they have more fun for themselves and not for the show. I mean really one thing I hate is to be Nam's photographer, she has her own camera but she never takes it anywhere and every time she has to be in the picture and it's about hunting new fb pic all the time.
Sam - I can never thank you enough my darling, you're so lovely and have always so many wonderful things to say. I want to scream that don't worry but it won't help at all... in fact I'm worried over myself at the moment because I fear that this is going to spiral (and this is also the feeling I have every Spring)... mainly because I'm huge and that was my last year's method of "keeping it under contorl". But I try to be wiser, I'm really trying hard. Let's kick those britches' asses!!
fei - :) a smile to you, yes, to you. Thank you for that. In my flat and numb mind that's all I can say for you now even though I wish I would have something more.
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