Red Head's Birthday Report

Here you can see one VERY essential part of Finnish culture identity
the Moomin cup. Almost everyone collects these
because it's typical children's story everyone watches.
I love these stories, the characters are so like real persons
and it's also totally ok to write on cv which moomin character you
think you're. In Finnis that thing is Muumimuki (Muumi being
the Moomin character and muki means = cup, we love
to write words together and they're long. The longest word in
Finnish contains 64 letters... beat that ^^)

Hi guys!
My life is just crazy and I've tried weeks to make time to write but all the time there comes something; work, test, responsibilities after responsibilities and I've barely written my diary to collect those good moments for me to remember. There's so much I should say, but first sorry my absence. I've been reading your blogs during some nights but been unable to collect my thoughts while my eyes have been heavy. I would never ever forget you. I couldn't. But there's no room for anything, I even skipped all the exercise and I've been sitting with books for 10-16 hours a day.

Needless to repeat that this month has been busy. And there's still few more weeks which will be like this... hard work but I'm trying to manage my time little better. Studying like that is... can't describe it how tiring it is. But I love it. It just takes me and the time flies easy. I've never been good at reading fiction if we don't count few exceptions, I get easily bored with other's imagination because I like mine way more. But give me a book full of people's experiences like in ethnology or something about history of witch hunts, human anatomy or about identity or memory studies or even psychology and I can make the time fly. Many times my imagination works way better with fact books than fiction, I always make up a story in my head about it what happened. It's more real than any other fiction experience and that's why I like it I guess.

Also I've finally gotten over of the tiredness and the sad fog that was following me due to the decision to change to ethnology. I'm just full of energy and feel important again, I got all the shitty work done that has been just piling up and stressing me out. I've been lacking focus all year but now I feel like I finally found it again and it brought my motivation with it.

Suna is getting way too exited with my birthday and I found another limit I didn't really know to exist. Or I did but I couldn't draw it in my mind this clear. I'm really having trouble to take in complements and loving acts. For years I've been acting like my B-day wouldn't mean a thing to me... the hell it does. But the reason I've been acting like I don't really care is that I want to avoid the pain of people ignoring it. So I never tell when my B-day is so that they can't ignore it, they just simply don't know it. The timing is really bad because it's 17th so it's always around eastern and in the middle of the worst possible rush-time. And my birthday parties have been fiascoes as long as I can remember and then I had no one to invite. I tried to say to her that I usually don't party or do anything particular, that I can't even remember when I last time had a cake. Suna is the cake master, I should have counted that... I tried to ask for a cake that she couldn't make but it seems that I didn't quite succeed. "I want a rainbow colored cheesecake with CareBears!" And of course she's now planning it and not telling me anything else but she's going to make me a cake like that. "Don't know about the CareBears though.... can I make too cakes? Can I bake muffins - chocolate or marshmallows or... how many kinds of muffins can I make? Can I bake cookies? Can I? Please, please... Can I?"

The coolest toilet door ever, brightens up my day every time <3 td="">

   And I'm freaking out. Not so much because all the sugar because I haven't been binging in ages. Sure I still get bad feelings about the sugary stuff if I eat too much, and sometimes everything is too much... but I'm done with stressing about it beforehand. This time I will say to that ED fairy to go to fuck herself. It's my B-day and I'm eating something that will make her hair turn gray out of fear because I'm too special person to be ignored and I love myself too much to totally deny the good stuff I like - and which someone really dear to me has made just because I exist. But, that kindness and attention combined with the smiling joy and happy energy she gets and spreads out only because she does this for me, is the thing that freaks me out. To be the center of attention that comes from the same love I've worked to get in terms with in emotional level and to take the touches that used to feel like burning iron on my skin. But this time it turns into action that is aimed straight to the very root of my existence; someone is putting huge amount of time and effort to celebrate my day and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Not like with people here. My friends know when my B-day is, usually they buy me something small (though this tradition has died) but they have always respected this denial aspect I have. I don't celebrate. So we won't do a thing together even though they acknowledge it, it's a small gesture from them. And I appreciate it, but this is way different.

What's new?
My hair is red and I made a new 30 day challenge for myself to get the coolest summer body I've ever had ^^. More later, blogs are again on my priority list because I've always time for friends. I'm just the kind of person who gets carried away sometimes... and I also found totally new love for tea. Love you, be happy and stay positive!!!