El Amor

El Amor and late night sitting, we were looking for new choreos with Sparkle. For the last two hours I've been leaning my head against her shoulder. We take over the whole divan sofa by laying so wide, staring at the same iPad screen and when ever she says something and looks at me I notice how close her face is to mine; our noses are nearly touching and I can see straight behind her eyes and finish her sentence when she stops in between thinking the end of it. 
   It's two am, our last shared glass of lady drink (whiskey, soda and M-150) has been finished while ago. "One last beautiful song before the bed." she says and fixes her posture taking the Ipad on her lap and sits on the edge of the sofa. I ask something that gives you sweet dreams. She smiles and knows exactly the right song for that.  

I still find a way put my head on her shoulder while listening this. I feel so happy, lucky. In the back of my mind I am terribly scared of the end coming closer and closer and I'm sad. The reason I have to be next to her all the time was that I felt anxious other wise but when I felt her steady breathing, her cool skin and the wind of the red fan, it just made it all go away for a while. 

I know I must be fine when I go back to Finalnd, there's no other option but I'm going to miss these moments so terribly much. But I can always come back, I'm coming back.

I've had a lot of action during these last days. I did my finals and we had a huge party... which surprise surprise worked out pretty good. We had over 30 people at our house and all the Thais and we were mixed up, not that corner grouping that happens so easily. I drank almost a bottle of whiskey, little vodka... something is really going on here because I don't usually drink that much... or go out to Bangla. Well it was last night with them so that's an good excuse... and it was so worth it.
   And on Monday morning when I was cleaning the house, I got a open wound from a broken bottle that hit my left calf through the trash bag. It was like 10 cm long and 3 cm wide tear so no need to think if I should go to get stitches, only thing I thought was how to get to the hospital without leaving red trace behind. Got 10 stitches and it's ok now. Got antibiotics and it looks clean.

Sparkle pours the whiskey in the glass. She had said to me the second she saw me before the class "We're stopping at the office, there's Hong Tong!" I sat on the floor and she writing an e-mail. She stops completely when I'm done with the phone call from my dad. He was drunk again, I would really love him to call me sober sometimes... "he has his limitations, they come from the history with his parents and the life advises they gave to him and that's what he got to work with. He might not be able to say that he loves you but he tries to show it.... the hardness is just that we should understand it that they do it out of love." 
   " I know, we cannot get in their head."
I get the message, she's saying that my parents do love me, I'm not a horrible person and that I should forgive myself. And I love the way she looks on the wall also when she talking about something like this... I used to feel so impolite when I cannot look at the person when I talk. But here with her, it's not important. 

Then to you my ladies, I love you both. You're such a great support... Eve, it's true, I'm sad but I try not to let it ruin my last days... but dancing helps so much, the only thing is just to get out and do it. Sam <3 -="" :p="" a="" about="" actually="" and="" at="" beautiful...="" because="" but="" calls="" can="" comes="" could="" cry="" dear.="" do="" doing="" don="" double="" ended="" even="" everyone="" first="" get="" give="" has="" her="" highest="" honor="" how="" humor="" i="" if="" is="" it="" just="" know="" lacks="" latino="" like="" listen="" make="" matter="" me.="" me="" mean="" meaning="" more="" mouth.="" music="" name="" need="" no="" not...="" of="" or="" our="" out="" p="" possible="" promoting="" re="" relationships...="" s="" say="" sell="" services...="" she="" show="" so="" song="" sounds="" sparkle.="" start="" such="" t="" take="" talk="" than="" that.="" that="" the="" they="" to="" try="" twisted="" usually="" was="" we="" when="" whore="" whores...and="" why.="" will="" wish="" with="" word="" worry="" xd="" you="" yours="" zumba...="">