Numbers, hearts and sweat

See this ignorance of food? 

To talk about roller coaster. Three days ago I hit my maximum weight ever (great, that's like the third time this year when I've done it... and it fucking sucks!) But now the numbers are so alarming that I cannot pull this; but you're just imagining it. It's an ability turn the blind eye, past year I've been doing it in wrong way. I haven't been too concerned what I eat - or on the other hand I've extremely concerned and just being binging more often and longer than I used to. It's the same fucking trap like always, you say nothing, have little something and think it's ruined, then say screw it and there we go. Sometime I just hope that I'd be bulimic, not this type of a person who cannot purge without giving herself a food poisoning (done it, twice). But no, my ed has taken a turn towards BED again, I'm heading back where it all started when I was 6-8.
   This sucks. And it has to change. It's just like throwing all my hard work towards better away from the other end. I've worked so hard to eat right, not worry for the past couple of years and not it's backfiring me from the other end. Like FUCK?! Why won't it never end???

Any of these legs, please, please, please...

Getting frustrated with this shit again, but still loving it so bad. At the moment I've learned to take advantage of Maya because I can say that I don't want to end up like her. Two days ago we were eating in this cool restaurant, they had the toilet theme. Really it was just GREAT place, there was toilet seat seats, tables had a  square glass but the leg was like a sink and through the glass you could see this plastic cartoon-like shit in there. And the food and drink was served every kind of toilet related things; like tea from urinal and fries from bathtub.
   Fries in bathtub is the key here, and the cheese topped broccoli - that's what Maya ordered and I felt so disgusted to watch that. First of all I was pissed because you're in a restaurant filled with Korean food and you order fries and cheese? And then she was saying all this "this is so good, I hate in the school cantine where you get totally wrong idea about Chinese food". My mouth dropped.

I'm so sure, she's not eating
fries or cheese!

Seriously, whaaaaaaat? You think THAT'S Asian? That they eat rice and cheese topped broccoli? Man... girl, if they did there wouldn't you get those things from the nearby shop easy and ready to have? Wrong country. I think she's missing like the cusine styled dishes because she likes to cook, but when I watch what she eats, it's so ridiculous to even think that this person knows hoe to cook.
   Like in here at the campus she goes often - like once a week to PizzaHut to have a regular sized peperoni. When she doesn't go she eats noodles, or goes to the local fast food place and takes chicken and rice with ketchup. Or anything similar to that. Oh, and remember that she's trying to lose weight and she goes jogging about once a week - and that gives her a reason to have a huge dessert (so... there is a reason why she weighs almost 100kg).

There at that toilet restaurant I was so disgusted. I didn't know where to look when she was eating that with chopstiks, the cheese flying everywhere on her cheeks, fries sticking out of her mouth... that was just so disturbing. Disgusting and I was so embarrassed to be there with her. I mean really, she's so the image of the fakeness when Tyra Banks imitates soccer mom that it's amazingly annoying.

But to better news. Yesterday at when I had done my 1.5K run, 400 meters sprints and about to finishing up with my arm workout in this sports field I noticed a boy coming to talk to me. He told me that he was taking the toffel test in few days to get to go America as an exchange student for four months. He also said that he was walking back and forward before me and gathering his courage to come and talk to me, I'm glad he did. He's the first Chinese who has actually texted me first after getting my number and he's asking me to do thing not the other way around. This is good... I don't know for sure but I think he mentioned a girlfriend when his phone rang - but you can not know did he meant girlfriend or just a friend whose a girl. But anyway he gave me a lift back to dorm with his scooter and later he texted me saying "it was nice to meat you, I wish you enjoy your time in Guangzhou. Big smile to U." *I really don't get this Chinese over politeness, I never know how to react.* But I saw that this morning and now I've been texting with him like an hour and we're going to have a dinner together, he's picking me up at 5.30 pm and after that we're going to study and to run. I'm so happy. And nervous. In a way I think this is bad because I'll leave at December but in a way this is so right... it's different from that J. He's not too keen on spending time with me and it's always me who asks him to do something. But then again I've been with him just couple times... so maybe it's not natural for him or he thinks that I've other friends. Here, I don't.

   But I'm just really starting to take distance to Maya because that's not good for me. I also asked one fluffy girl if she wanted to do something... but hard part is that when you try to figure out that mystical something, it's always related to food. One meal a day and a lot of exercise... should cut the trick. This has been working well so far. And actually there's a story behind that weight... I was having diarrhea, kinda worried because my tummy did hurt and it was just like I had taken overdose some instant laxies (I can assure that I hadn't because I don't know how they are called in Chinese). So I kinda tested with every food I knew my tummy was used to (read mainly carbs) if it would help; the oat meal, milk and bananas did the trick in the end. So now having that one meal and walking a lot it's -3lb in three days and I'm back to the *too huge number to write here today* where I started a week ago. So now everything is just a loss, not compensation. And I really wish that I can do this without these insane; eat nothing, workout 3 hours and gain 2lb days. Because they just KILL me, I still haven't figured that out why it happens (because it's not PMS).

 But I'll stop my ramble. And go to read yours and then study, if this damn connection just allows me to do that. And thanks for all the comments, they're really important <3 just="just" nice="nice" p="p" re="re" share="share" so="so" thoughts.="thoughts." to="to" you="you" your="your">PS. These are my Asia insiders again... just walked through the city.