Little about the big dreams

I'm missing my blog but I just don't feel comfortable enough to write. Bei isn't really giving me the space I would love to have. I constantly have a feeling that she's watching what I do behind my back. Days like this when she's gone are rare... we've been living a month together now and it's really starting to creep on me. It's just her persona and she's worried she's not doing enough and so on, kinda sweet but still she's not thinking. She leaves stuff where ever and need a lot of attention. Our relationship has always been about joking and being stupid as much as you can, that too is getting rough. But the thing that annoy me most is that she's not doing anything... she never studies and when I come back home explaining about what did I do, she says that my accomplishments make her anxious. I'm so close to say to her that if I make her feel like she should do something, then maybe she should. Argh.

I still do like her, but now my nerves are just on the edge.

Still no apartment, still not stressing and I'm struggling to find my phase with fitness and life in general... some minor adjustment problems but I guess I'll figure them out soon. Plan might work... now that I've figured out what will I study this year. Maybe the routine will follow even though my life is going so much around again that there's no room for routines.

Couple days later I still haven't sent this... and I have nothing much else to say. Well, my Master's thesis is at the point which requires that I find a way to get back to China. I have few options I can grab on, there's actually a pretty good chance I'm going there. Happy to get away, big dreams and big plans. I have been using all the resources I have here, I changed when I left archaeology. Since I've been ethnologist my mentality has been totally different and I have been more social, speaking with people and just asking and daring to use the opportunities offered by the university. I've just finished a career planning course and I've started to gather together a portfolio on the internet to do this creative job hunting. I should get my other blog rolling... the public one I started but I have hard time figuring out what to do with it.

This is amazing, because when I think again my weight I've lost in total 15 kg from the last let's say February. But after June I haven't lost even a pound. So once I get rid off these lady issues, that last 8 will go and I will score the number below 65 permanently... the kind of number I couldn't get to when my ednos was at my worse. Even now it's finally exhilarating to be here at 70kg where I used to be stuck with the cycle of not eating in four days, gaining it back during the weekend what I had lost... now I'm eating normally and once I was scared this wouldn't be possible to be this size and eat.

I've come so far, And now I feel like I can do anything.