Today is a weird day... little things happen but there's always a good side to them. First on my way to gym I got three packages free make-it-at-home softis (no idea if you know this, it's like ice cream but smoother). Then at the gym I was writing with Suna and locked my locker and forgot the keys inside. There's the kinda of lockers where you need to buy your own locks so I had to go to the nice lady at the counter and she came to break it. Then on my way to work my sun cream had opened and it was everywhere but my computer and notes had survived without a drop... weird.
I also had a little episode with one guy from Bangladesh. He's nice guy to hang around with but not boyfriend material. I like to be around him because he likes to talk about culture but there's nothing in him why would I think of him as anything else than a friend or useful contact to have. His activity and the tune of the messages has left no doubt and just now that I saw him last time it felt like he had in his head fixed a date for us to a modern art museum because they had free entrance... we met at McDonald's and I had just prepared to drink a cup of coffee and then go home because I thought we had agreed on that. Then he tells me that he wants to show me something and takes me to Kiasma even though I say I rather would not go because I just came from a museum and don't really want to see another. I left there in the end because I felt kind sorry for him and it looked like he really wanted to go.
Then there we went to the top floor and he insisted to go out on the balcony and said that maybe now I'll understand why he wanted to take me there. Excuse me, my city where I've been far more often than you and you want to be romantic by taking me to look at the view... which by the way is not high and there's only people sitting on gras below, you can see the glass wall of music center and the Middle Age castle-like National museum. And he said that he thought it was the best view over the city. Not. Then he tried to ask about my childhood memories - not sharing because he wouldn't get them.
Then he wanted to sit a while inside on a bench and I had noticed some signs that he was trying to get closer so I put my bag in between. Then he was talking about hand shaking habits that why Finns don't like their hand holding because they shake hands... and of course that was a reason to take a hold of my hand. I pulled it away rather quickly and then I got the after message that made me literally bang my head on the wall. I was tired and pissed that night and just trying to be nice - girl. And in the end I was a mad girl because when I said that I have to move at my mom's on August which is not tempting he just went on how he has noticed that people here don't want to live their parents and how he thinks it's the best place for a student to be. Completely Asian. So completely Asian point of view and when I tried to explain that they might ask me for a rent or make me pay an electricity bill he wouldn't believe that. But they might, really they might. So even though I know he didn't mean it like that I felt like he meant that I was lying. And then he said that there must be something positive too.... suuuureee, like? Wait... there's a washing machine!
Here's that message which I just wanted to forget and did for two days.
O.o can someone please tell me wtf?? First, I didn't try to make him feel too comfortable because I was afraid that something like this might happen. And I'm friendly to everyone, geeezzz. I'm like Rory from Gilmore girls, give me a bad guy who everyone hates ans I can make friends with him. Contrasts, hell yea, the biggest that I'm not needing a man - not impossible scenario some day but for now I prefer women which obviously is a huge contrast. Radiating heat? Think not and excuse me I didn't give you my hand because I don't have a habit to push myself on other people! ...and then I might be just plain stupid but I really have no idea what he means...
"u made me feel comfi. Is it bcoz u r different n friendly or some contrasts that we have. For me contrasts r like rainbow. U made me feel warm in cold Finland. Is it because u gave me heat through your hand or radiated it through eyes n face? Will u tell me or do u want me to drown into u n find them out..? Anyways, how r u?" O.o....... O.o.............. O.o.......... O.o O.o
I just told him that I had a feeling that he's looking for more than I am and I'm nice to everyone and would like to keep it that way. He answered saying something like I got his bait... I'm not a fish and now I'm not sure if he understood it or not. He also told me that I look like a doll - not a compliment for me. First I don't look like a doll, second dolls are lifeless and they're dragged around from hair or sitting on a shelf as a decoration. I'm more than that. Not a doll. I have braind, heart, I breathe, move on my own and like to be alive.
Atleast my life is not boring. Gym is still in the picture and eating right... my weight is stuck at 70 kg though. How annoying is that? Just little above the 6 startings where I would looooove to be. But no rush. It will be there someday. Now it's summer and I need to enjoy that too - these few days haven't been the best in terms of food but at least the last weeks gain has been reversed. I was visitng Adventure island and ate way too many buns and chocolate during those three days and came back 1 kg heavier. Had awesome time though and it was a nice rest, so reversing that in a week with poor diet is quite good anyway.
Nothing was how it used to be. And I'm just not going back anymore. Without our own captain and without few people and new rules pressing down it's just hideous place now. I see the most important people anyway in other places so I don't really need to go there. Sure the atmosphere is something I will miss but I can live without spending another night there.
I've decided to spent my next free days I took 22dn and 23rd of June at Tallin. I'm going with Suna and we're going to spend a night at Spa hotel. I've never done that before so I'm looking forward to it big time. Also the hotel breakfast, omg it's better be good! I love buffet breakfasts and I always eat too much much but hell - there's too many things to pic from! And I can't pick so I'll just eat and eat. Better go swimming before that the night we arrive so that I won't look like a ball.
We've also been planning a trip somewhere on November to get somewhere warm. I'll first see how this goes because we're so different
Then there we went to the top floor and he insisted to go out on the balcony and said that maybe now I'll understand why he wanted to take me there. Excuse me, my city where I've been far more often than you and you want to be romantic by taking me to look at the view... which by the way is not high and there's only people sitting on gras below, you can see the glass wall of music center and the Middle Age castle-like National museum. And he said that he thought it was the best view over the city. Not. Then he tried to ask about my childhood memories - not sharing because he wouldn't get them.
Then he wanted to sit a while inside on a bench and I had noticed some signs that he was trying to get closer so I put my bag in between. Then he was talking about hand shaking habits that why Finns don't like their hand holding because they shake hands... and of course that was a reason to take a hold of my hand. I pulled it away rather quickly and then I got the after message that made me literally bang my head on the wall. I was tired and pissed that night and just trying to be nice - girl. And in the end I was a mad girl because when I said that I have to move at my mom's on August which is not tempting he just went on how he has noticed that people here don't want to live their parents and how he thinks it's the best place for a student to be. Completely Asian. So completely Asian point of view and when I tried to explain that they might ask me for a rent or make me pay an electricity bill he wouldn't believe that. But they might, really they might. So even though I know he didn't mean it like that I felt like he meant that I was lying. And then he said that there must be something positive too.... suuuureee, like? Wait... there's a washing machine!
Here's that message which I just wanted to forget and did for two days.
O.o can someone please tell me wtf?? First, I didn't try to make him feel too comfortable because I was afraid that something like this might happen. And I'm friendly to everyone, geeezzz. I'm like Rory from Gilmore girls, give me a bad guy who everyone hates ans I can make friends with him. Contrasts, hell yea, the biggest that I'm not needing a man - not impossible scenario some day but for now I prefer women which obviously is a huge contrast. Radiating heat? Think not and excuse me I didn't give you my hand because I don't have a habit to push myself on other people! ...and then I might be just plain stupid but I really have no idea what he means...
 |
| Fucking annoyed |
I just told him that I had a feeling that he's looking for more than I am and I'm nice to everyone and would like to keep it that way. He answered saying something like I got his bait... I'm not a fish and now I'm not sure if he understood it or not. He also told me that I look like a doll - not a compliment for me. First I don't look like a doll, second dolls are lifeless and they're dragged around from hair or sitting on a shelf as a decoration. I'm more than that. Not a doll. I have braind, heart, I breathe, move on my own and like to be alive.
Nothing was how it used to be. And I'm just not going back anymore. Without our own captain and without few people and new rules pressing down it's just hideous place now. I see the most important people anyway in other places so I don't really need to go there. Sure the atmosphere is something I will miss but I can live without spending another night there.
I've decided to spent my next free days I took 22dn and 23rd of June at Tallin. I'm going with Suna and we're going to spend a night at Spa hotel. I've never done that before so I'm looking forward to it big time. Also the hotel breakfast, omg it's better be good! I love buffet breakfasts and I always eat too much much but hell - there's too many things to pic from! And I can't pick so I'll just eat and eat. Better go swimming before that the night we arrive so that I won't look like a ball.
We've also been planning a trip somewhere on November to get somewhere warm. I'll first see how this goes because we're so different
1 kommentti:
Is softi like soft-serve ice cream? Otherwise I have no clue.
Bangladesh guy's an interesting one. I agree with you on the "you look like a doll" thing, you are so much more than that.
Plateau's are annoying as hell, but you're right, there's no rush.
Oh my god, the spa hotel getaway sounds amazing. Hotel buffet breakfasts, yessss. You've gotta have a taste of everything, that's just how it works ;) Maybe you could go a little later and make it a brunch type thing if you're worried about overeating?
And lol, yeah, the lung doctor man has some pretty messed up expectations for me exercising. My dietician couldn't believe it when I told her about the 'hour a day on a treadmill' thing. I think he's just completely oblivious to eating disorders.
The 'other stuff' is weed. I've been a heavy smoker for over four years now. I just don't talk about it much anymore because of shame and fear of legal trouble since I'm easy to track down, but yeah, that's probably doing my lungs more harm than the cigarettes anyway.
Love you loads <3 xx
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