More hugs of leaving and kisses of coming

There's people all around me eating breakfast, even I had six penut butter sandwiches... this is the place where I learned to eat them in the first place. This same hostel in Singapore. I just can't believe I'm on my way back to Finland. Where did the time go? Why did it end already? Can I just take a hold on a palm tree and repeat "bad dream, bad dream, bad dream..."? I want to spent another night next to Sparkle. I want to take another nap next to her. I want to dance one more dance with her. One more night, one more drink, one more hug, one more motorbike ride, one more crazy idea...

It was Thursday when we went to diving and watching the beautiful marine life with her - the coral reefs were amazing! I saw a huge jelly fish, loads of sea cucumbers, huge yellow coral fans, little black nemo... I love that. One of the things I'm happy I started doing because in the water you can just float, we let the sea current take us and we traveled between rocks on it. It was like watching ever changing show where you just watch everything without really being there. We went down to 20 meters and I was actually surprised how well I still remembered everything. 

 

 On our way back I fell asleep leaning on her shoulder while she was playing candy crush. At some point her arm got tired, I knew she moved it but she said she tried to do it gently so that she wouldn't wake me up. Later when H and S were making Japanese curry at their house for us to eat because then they would be off to KL, Sparkle laughed to S that this new boat is really good for sleeping the least. The food was amazing. I just love Japanese food, I can't help it but it's delicious. Specially curry. However this time I managed to go home to sleep. Not like on Monday when I fell a sleep at Sparkle's sofa because we were drinking and celebrating S's birthday. Then me and Sparkle were the last ones up at 3 am and the first ones drinking morning coffee at 8am. 

   This time saying good bye was easier though. I know I will see her again within few months because I need to go to get my tooth fixed. The not knowing is the worst feeling ever, so when I know and I know we will keep contact it's not that bad anymore, not like the last time I left Thailand when I was crying the whole way. Actually this time I know how it is for normal people who leave something behind they depend on. I have Suna waiting for me. She'll pick me up from the airport and even though it's hard to leave, I know all the bad habits will try to kick in again, I also am happy to go back at some extent. It's almost like waiting to see a Santa Claus as a kid (yes, in Finland we actually see it - kids sing to Santa and sit on Santa's lap before he takes the presents out of huge sag). Scared, exited and happy. Other things I don't wait at all but I'm focusing on Suna. 

I'm happy to be back also because she just messaged me yesterday that her grand dad had died. I told her to get some sleep now and I would be waiting for her when she wakes up or if she can't sleep and needs to talk. But I guess she's sleeping now, at least she's silent. Just yesterday I asked her what would she say to me if our parts were other way around... she said it was a hard question and she didn't really know. Because I'm sure she would say something. 

   For me I'm trying not to think about food at the moment. I know I'm going to be so totally lost again when I suddenly find only porridge from my apartment and don't really have money for more and I should be suddenly cooking by myself again. I also try to not to think about Christmas or where should I be doing what. Mindless moment... not feeling like I would have lost control - not yet. Freedom and the "what does it matter"... I love traveling but it's so hard to try to eat properly on the go. Specially when you switch the time zone to the other side of the globe and the clock can't tell you how many hours has passed from the last meal and the pressure changes makes you dizzy and swollen and combined with loss of sleep, eating well gets close to impossible when you don't know what your body is trying to tell you. But it's ok, I still like to travel, no matter some little stupid errors. 

And sorry guys. I know this has been all about hugs and kisses last months :D