Dots because there's no headline to this

Sunshine and rain, these things seem to go hand in hand here. Half of the time it's shining and half raining... well, I don't mind. I'm not a beach person anyway so, I can do my thing no matter where I am at. Yesterday was Suna's birthday and honestly I'm finding it harder and harder to doubt my own hunches... I was feeling anxious panicky all day, nearly crying over little things but at the same time I knew it wasn't because I would have been feeling like that. It was Suna who was feeling like that. People did remember her birthday at work, she made the cake and all but it looks like she wasn't able to really take that in. "Are you going to party tonight?" they were asking. No. She wasn't. She was barely talking to me at first that what's going on... her two word answers saying "I don't care, what does it matter?" kind of messages made me really worried and even more panicky. But I got it sorted out for a bit better thanks to whiskey. I needed that to get over my own worry because she needed a friend there, not a psychiatrist.
   "Anything I can do?"
   "Nope"
   "Are you absolutely sure?"
   "Yes"
   ... didn't believe her. "I've crying the whole day when I've been thinking about you, I don't know why but I have been really anxious over you and you know, this silence is not helping. I can leave the psych for a holiday because I have a feeling that you need a friend now, not analysis. Love you!"

And the ice was broken just there, slowly she came around again. It was the loneliness that got here there for a while. I told her I wouldn't go to bed before she did and that I would say good night to her just like I would be only in the different city in Finland. And I did that, stayed up until 4 and refused to go to bed before she did. I guess there's nothing I wouldn't do to get her smile even just a little.

The night market is also something I love in here. Or at least the one bar in there... but this time I had two of Sparkle's girls with me. The big ones, I've never had anyone so big behind me on a motorbike and I got to say I was little scared of that but it went ok. We didn't fall but the weight make hell a lot of difference. It was so hard to drive that thing! Instead I nearly fell down this morning because it was so much lighter.
   But points for me. I managed to actually stop eating when I was full yesterday. We took food with us from the market and I took way too much because I hadn't eaten anything but a piece of cake and cup noodles and a yogurt that day. But I put it in the fridge like a normal person. It just works here... I act different, I feel different, I live different... like a human. Like without any food issues (I mean they're not gone - I'm not saying I didn't hear that little voice which said good job for eating so little, or the voice that told me to eat all of that - they just didn't matter. There's a lot less stress around it all, and those voices just don't matter).

But now to Sparkle's , she's waiting!